Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Paramore is the shiz :d

So, I'm in a decent mood right now, so I thought I'd write a blog. If you notice when you type blog, it is spelled wrong; why is that? I don't understand it.

Anyways. My life. It's kinda dull right now. I rarely leave the house. There's just nothing to do in the outside world. Sure, I have friends in low and high places, but those places aren't here. I see them occasionally, but never really hang out, you know? 

School starts in 8 days. Fun... D: I hope I have a better time this year. Last year wasn't exactly the smoothest I've had. And recently I decided to bring out my gamecube and play some Paper Mario. It's funny how you just know where to find everything the second time around when you couldn't find a single thing the first time. I wanted to do a walkthrough on youtube, but I don't have a cool tv video camera thingy majiger. So I'm content with just enjoying the game I guess. Speaking of youtube, my MegaAnimeUploads channel is getting more and more popular every day. I used to have excellent competition, but then she got a notice from youtube telling her to stop uploading InuYasha. I feel sorry for her, especially since I have uploaded more than her and have yet...YET...to get a notice. Even if I did get a notice, I would just make another account. I have about 100,000 views on my channel, and 150 some subscribers. I like those numbers. They make me feel like some people notice me. lol. 

I can't seem to stop thinking about certain people, and things that could of played out differently, but didn't. Choices I made that affected my life in major ways. To great to even comprehend. It makes me angry thinking about it. And depressed. I think about what could have been...and I lose my train of thought. I think about my first girlfriend often. We had an up and down relationship, even after we broke up. But we were still great friends that listened to each other. It breaks my heart that I don't get to see her. I was used to seeing her and her brother and family everyday. Going cold turkey does not help my psychy. It's amazing that I haven't given into this depression. I see what could lie in my future, and I push forward, as best as I can. Like I found out I want a pet Fennec fox when I get my own place. Sure, it could never happen and probably won't, but thinking about it brings happiness. And that little bit is enough, at least for a short time. Another big thing I think about is Ohio. I miss everybody there. Except for a few choice people. I met a few hundred people at my last school, and become great friends with a lot of them, but I never see them, let alone talk to them much. I just feel they'll forget me. I mean, I know so many people, that I'm forgetting people I've known for years just because I haven't seem them in a while. I only can keep people close around me in my memory. Sure, I can remember a face, But even then, I have a hard time trying to remember if I know them from here or Ohio. And I feel terrible for it. People say hey but I forget who they are. So many things on my mind that I can't focus at all.

As I continue writing this, I get even more and more saddened. Slipping into a depression. Though I may forget some people, the memories are all there. Even the painful ones. I just can't forget those for some reason. I want them gone but they won't leave. They haunt me. I try not to think about anything, just live in the moment to avoid a depression. It's a wonder I don't have ulcers from so much stress. School won't help at all. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Oh well. 

I'm taking a break for a few days from uploading on my youtube channel so that I can elax and enjoy the last fragments of my summer. I'll have to come up with a schedule to work around during the school year. I'm not very good with managing my time at all. So, I will try to put up a blog every few days or so, recollecting everything I've done and some thoughts along with it. I've got to get my mind on other things. I will see you guys later. And if you are reading this Tator, I want you to know that I love and miss you a lot :*] Just remember, I am always in your heart, and you in mine. ~Zack

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